Elders Touching In Residential Care
Posted by Irene Smith on December 22nd, 2011Elders Touching in Residential Care
Recently I had the opportunity to facilitate an in-service in mindful touching for an Aging and Sexuality group at an assisted living community where I see clients. The participants in the group were considered high functioning residents, although in different levels of mental and physical health. This was my first experience with teaching residents within a community. I usually teach caregivers.
There were six residents in the beginning. One gentleman seemed to feel overwhelmed with the topic and left before we started. Another gentleman became uncomfortable with the request to dialogue about the touching with his partner. The touching was easier than talking about it. He decided not to participate; however he stayed in the room.
Residents were requested to touch their partner in a place on the body that had been designated a safe place. The time frame of holding the touch was one minute.
After the touching the person being touched was asked to tell their partner what made it feel safe to receive the touching. I use this format frequently to illustrate what deepens trust in a touch relationship. The responses were typically what participants usually share; eye contact, gentleness, slow approach, first acquiring permission, knowing the person beforehand, etc.
The difference was the profound impact the touching made on participants. One resident shared that it was really different to be touched in a personal way. Others also spoke of how out of the ordinary it was to be touched by someone they knew in their community. We repeated this exercise 3 times. The last time the request was to stroke or massage the recipient and the time frame was 2 minutes.
Everyone shared from a deeply vulnerable place. The overall experienced was very personal. Caring and intentional touching was something most in the group had not experienced in a long time. As a closure to the evening we held hands in a community circle. This was also a very meaningful experience for all present. It seemed that no one wanted to let go.
I was touched by the vulnerability and trust in this group and also saddened to see how alienated human beings can be from personalized contact, not just from care providers, but from those in their community. There is no permission to touch.
I will go again in February and teach some structured touch so residents can continue to share touch with each other in a non threatening way.
I realized during reflection after the group that definite guidelines were needed for safe integration of the touch that the residents had received.
These are the re-entry guidelines I came up with: [ This is a work in progress.]
*We spent an evening touching. The touching may bring you in contact with emotions you have not felt in a long time. Its natural to feel vulnerable after a touch session. This may include feeling sadness, embarrassment, love, passion, frustration or depression. You may find it helpful to Talk to someone.Talk to your program coordinator, your chaplain, or someone else who can listen and support you.
* Write about your feelings in a journal. Touch can take you on a journey through your life because it opens the heart.
* You will feel bonded to your partner. You may feel that you are in love with them. Be gentle with yourself and know that when the heart opens it expands into unconditional love..not attachment. Loving and being in love are different states of being.
* Because you feel bonded with your partner you might be drawn to go up and touch them again. You must get permission. Please do not take it for granted you can touch them without permission. You must get permission each time you want to touch someone. Your partner may not feel like being touched. Do not take it personally.
*Touch is a basic human need. No matter what your age or circumstance it is natural to want and need to be touched.
I’d love to hear from you. Please share your insights and experiences on this topic.
Blessings,
Irene Smith