The skill of letting go of a massage relationship when a client is dying is as important as the skill in the touching.
In early December I received a referral to see a woman with stage 4 cancer. She had a prognosis of less than 2 months.
She was a hospice client, at home being cared for by her family.
I was told the client was having a great deal of pain and depression.
The first time I visited Joan, her response to the massage was very strong. She loved the touch, the interaction, and the feeling of what she called floating.
When her family called to schedule a second appointment they explained that Joan had been energized for 3 days and had accomplished many tasks including planning a birthday party.
She wanted to have a gathering while she was still alive to share with her friends how much they had meant to her.
The family scheduled the massage for the morning of the party. They wanted Joan to be energized for her birthday.
When Joan’s brother picked me up early Saturday morning he was on the phone with a family member who was at Joan’s bedside.
Joan was having difficulty breathing. Her temperature was up and she was unable to speak. She had entered a different phase of her dying process.
The family was gathered around Joan’s bed, waiting for me to come hoping that the massage would energize Joan so she could have her party.
We started our journey to the house.
There were five family members sitting around the bed , all in individual states of suffering. I was given a seat at the head of the bed .
Joan ‘s breathing was like a fish out of water. She was actively dying.
I knew the family needed to see me touch their beloved
Silence became a dear friend as I sat and looked around the bed at each family member. Their love and openness provided my grounding as I took a long gentle breath and spoke to Joan.
I told her I had come to provide her a touch session.
Observing Joan’s body movement, I spoke to her breath,” easy breath, moving in and from the belly. So easy, so relaxed, so open .”
I spoke slowly and softly while gently touching the belly and the chest. I then spoke to the movement of the belly as it rounded and flattened .
“You are so loved, so safe. Nothing to do. Just love.”
Moment by moment the family began to soften expectations. With each phrase I looked around the room and made eye contact with a family member and took a breath.
Encouraging family to lay hands on their loved one, I told Joan goodbye and thanked her for the opportunity to witness so much love.
As I stood up someone took my seat. The circle was complete.
Joan died while the neighbor was taking me home.
This experience stands as a model for me. It was me at my most honest. Afraid yet still finding my voice and trusting my intuition.
This is a story I need to remember for times when I edit my intuition and just keep hanging on.
Blessings and Peace
Irene Smith
What a beautiful experience. I was very moved by your story of love for a dying family member. What an inpact on the client and family. This is what I want to do, help people connect with their dying family members and to help make the passage a little easier. I am a student of massage and I am interested in working in hospice care. .
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Left by sheila slade-lee on February 20th, 2010
Thank you for sharing this about your honesty Irene. Seeing life and death exactly as they are and WHEN they are - what a big lesson. Allowing acceptance for yourself created that ability in the others and you were as much a gift to Joan as you were to the other people sitting there. A wonderful lesson for us all!
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Left by Rena Graham on February 28th, 2010
I was asked by one of my regular clients at work, to come to her house and see if I could help her significant other who was suffering from Parkinson’s Disease.
When I met him, he was not happy to have me there. I tried doing some water therapy, but he was not happy with that at all.
Next time, I gave him a Reflexology session. He really responded well to that. I was seeing him 2 times a week. After several weeks, he asked if he could try a massage. (He had never had one before.). He absolutely loved it.
Meanwhile, he was depressed ,painfully thin,and advancing in his illness. His mind was sharp as a tack (he use to be a Dr.) but he was in a lot of pain.
He eventually opened up to me and told me that he really did love for me to come over. He said it was the only time he was not in pain.
One day, he took his own life. He had arranged everything very neatly for his partner.
While at the funeral, I was introduced and approached by people who called me “the one who gave him comfort before he died”. It was a very difficult thing to lose him, for everyone, but I am so glad that I was able to give him a little bit
of sunshine in the short months we spent together.
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Left by Barbara on March 4th, 2010