One day my hospice client, Edna, asked me to just get into the bed and hold her. Edna had bone cancer and was in a great deal of pain.
I sat by the bedside and froze.I told her I couldn’t do that. She asked me again, “Just hold me.” She said, “I’m in so much pain.” I told her again I couldn’t do that.
Feelings of discomfort, shame and guilt flooded over me and I was relieved when the session was over.
That evening I called the care manager and talked to her about my experience.
For the next couple of weeks I felt uncomfortable seeing Edna. I was however, deeply exploring my feelings surrounding her request.
Right before Edna died I had worked with my feelings of fear to the degree that I was able to meet her need.
I got into the bed, positioned her head on a pillow in my lap and stroked her hair, her face and her shoulders until she fell asleep.
How wonderful it felt to let go of how I thought professional was suppose to look and answer a call of the heart.
Confronting my fear of intimacy as a professional has been an ongoing challenge in this field. Being an intimate professional is not easy.
I look forward to your discussion of this topic. Please share your stories.
Blessings
Irene Smith
Dear Irene,
This is an amazing story. She was asking a lot of you. Her comfort level in asking you to do this speaks to the intimacy and trust that was already established. Bravo for honoring your own feelings, including noticing when things had shifted for you.
I don’t have a story like this, but I do have a quote:
“Learn your technique well, but be prepared to let go of them all when you touch the power of the human soul”
~ Carl G. Jung
[reply to this comment]
Left by Elizabeth on July 25th, 2008
The work that you do Irene, brings you into a person’s world in the most intimate way possible. Birth and death are naturally such personal times and we are naturally careful about who we share those experiences with and how REAL we get with them. I do think however, that we all, no matter what field we are in, struggle with this aspect of “how close is too close?”
. You have not only professional but probably legal standards as well to adhere to, during times when people can be the neediest. I can only imagine the buttons that get pushed when your boundaries are stretched but those people who you have worked with have all been very, very fortunate to have you there!
[reply to this comment]
Left by Rena on July 26th, 2008
Dear Irene,
What a blessing you are to to all of us who are doing any type of touch!
The reason I work with those at the end of their life is because of the treasured moments of intimacy that come from sharing this sacred time. I’m always a bit scared when I go to see a new client. What will it be like? And, when I first see them, it may be a bit of a shock. I have to give myself time to come back in, get grounded again. But then, as soon as I put my hands on them, I’m home again, connected with them in just what is, and usually we are both o.k. within that.
Usually I am willing to do whatever they request within the boundaries of the hospice regulations. Must say I’ve never been requested to get in bed with anyone.
[reply to this comment]
Left by Sarah Puyans on August 4th, 2008